UMA CARTA ABERTA PARA MEUS AMIGOS BRASILEIROS

O ESPÍRITO DE ADOÇÃO E MINHA HISTÓRIA 

Olá amigos,

Se você está gastando seu tempo para ler isto e oferecer palavras de encorajamento ou apoio, vou considerá-lo amigo e tratá-lo como tal. Se você gastar seu tempo para ler isto e oferecer palavras de desencorajamento ou crítica, quero te convidar a não fazer isso, pois não te darei atenção.

Deixe-me ser clara, eu escrevo porque sinto que minha história é para "um tempo como este". Com a recente decisão judicial sobre a legalização do aborto no Brasil, sinto o impulso do Senhor de compartilhar uma parte da minha história que não é de conhecimento comum para a maioria.

Eu não estou escrevendo para ouvir as opiniões das pessoas ou feedback sobre o que você sente que eu deveria ou não deveria ter feito ou o que alguém deve ou não deve fazer quando encontra-se em uma posição como a minha há 20 anos atrás. Novamente, a menos que você tenha algo de bom para dizer, não diga nada ... por favor.

Eu entendo que a situação de todos é diferente. Há muitas maneiras de abordar a discussão sobre gravidez indesejada. Eu não sou indiferente nem apática para com aquelas mulheres que se encontram grávidas e nunca pretenderam sejam elas adolescentes, solteiras, casadas, vítimas de estupro etc. Meu coração se compadece por você e eu oro por sabedoria do Alto enquanto você navegar num momento tão difícil de seu vida.

Eu sei que esta é uma maneira estranha de começar uma carta aberta. No entanto, sinto a necessidade de ser clara e traçar limites antes de compartilhar. Agradeço sua compreensão e compaixão. Deixe-me explicar, vou ser o mais breve possível.

Eu cresci em um lar cristão desde os 7 ou 8 anos de idade. Eu soube todas as respostas certas na escola dominical, não era encrenqueira e tirei boas notas na escola. Eu nunca fui a garota popular ... exatamente o oposto na verdade. Eu sofri "bully" por ser quieta, por ter dentes grandes entre outras coisas. As crianças podem ser cruéis. Mas, eu fiquei na minha e terminei a minha educação do ensino médio com boas notas com a intenção de ir para a faculdade… mas morria de medo. Eu odiava o aspecto social da escola. Entretanto, eu fiz vestibular para uma universidade e fui aceita.

Devido a dificuldades financeiras, bem como a minha própria insegurança sobre ir para a faculdade, eu decidi tirar um ano para trabalhar e para economizar dinheiro. Parecia uma boa troca, ganhar dinheiro para faculdade e evitar o medo de ir. Foi o que eu fiz. Eu trabalhei. Então, eu conheci alguém que me deu atenção que eu nunca tinha tido antes. Ele me pegou de surpresa e eu estava insegura de como lidar com este novo território e tomei algumas decisões muito ruins.

Crescendo em um lar cristão, eu sabia as respostas certas e erradas, mas, naquele momento eu não estava equipada para lidar com os sentimentos que vieram junto com alguém mostrando interesse em mim de uma forma que eu não estava acostumada ... encurtando a história, aos 19 anos eu engravidei.

Isso devastou um relacionamento já estressado com meus pais e magoou os meus irmãos. Isso decepcionou a minha pequena família da igreja. Feriu meus amigos mais próximos e feriu inúmeros outros que me tinham me visto até aquele ponto como, a "boa menina". Eu tinha caído do pedestal de “boa menina" e me encontrei em uma situação que eu nunca tinha pretendido e nem imaginado que poderia acontecer comigo.

Ao longo da minha gravidez, as pessoas tinham suas opiniões sobre o que eu deveria fazer e elas nunca foram tímidas para compartilhar. Eu educadamente ouvia as suas opiniões sobre, “ficar com o bebê" ou "você vai colocar para adoção?" Eu me sentia obrigada a escutar o "conselho" das pessoas, pois eu sentia que eu merecia qualquer comentário rude ou opinião grosseira - no final, fui eu que fiz a "confusão", certo?

Devo confessar, pensei sobre o aborto. Pensei nisso como uma fuga da minha situação. Eu pensei nisso como resposta de luta ou fuga. Pensei em querer sair de uma decisão que eu tinha feito e agora teria que enfrentar as consequências. Mas, nesses momentos, eu sempre soube que esta "saída" iria realmente acarretar conseqüências muito piores do que percorrer o curso, carregando este bebê para o qual Deus tinha planos e valorizar a vida dentro de mim. Foi o que eu fiz. Eu amava meu bebê e, embora ele não havia sido planejado a meus olhos, Ele estava nos planos de Deus e nove meses depois ele nasceu. Ele era bonito, saudável .... perfeito.

Durante a minha gravidez eu tinha planejado uma adoção privada. Eu tinha escolhido um casal que senti ser abençoado por Deus para ser os pais do meu bebê. Tudo estava pronto. No entanto, sob a superfície, eu estava em conflito. Senti-me impotente de escolher e senti como se eu estivesse seguindo o que todos os outros queriam que eu fizesse ... "isso vai consertar a situação", eu pensaria comigo mesmo. Não resolveu. Meu bebê nasceu e eu estava apaixonada.

Depois de muita consideração, oração e conversa, resolvi trazê-lo para casa. Foi um momento monumental. Ele era meu tudo. Eu tinha um bom plano para casar com o pai do meu bebê, construir uma casa e “consertar a situação". As coisas não foram como eu tinha planejado. Vou poupar-lhe os detalhes, mas meu plano para casar falhou, eu estava sem dinheiro e minhas economias para a faculdade quase esgotadas ... o que eu ia fazer?

Naquele momento, Deus começou a falar comigo claramente e bastante ousadamente. No início, eu pensava que era “coisa da minha cabeça", mas depois de um tempo eu tive que confessar que não poderia ser apenas coincidência. 

Você já teve aqueles momentos na vida quando Deus está tentando desesperadamente chamar sua atenção e em todos os lugares que você olha, o que você lê, com quem você conversa, e o assunto é sempre a mesma coisa? Pois é… foi assim.

Ele estava falando comigo sobre adoção. Em meu coração eu sabia o que estava vindo, mas, eu não queria reconhecer. Eu tentei e tentei não ouvir e não ver, mas, quanto mais eu tentava, mais Deus pressionava. Adoção é a real razão de eu compartilhar isso com você, meu amigo.

Deus me falou sobre o verdadeiro espírito da adoção. Depois de não conseguir me esconder mais, eu perguntei a ele o que Ele queria que eu fizesse, mas com a ressalva de que Ele teria que explicar isso de uma forma que faria sentido para mim tanto logicamente quanto emocionalmente. Eu não colocaria meu bebê para a adoção de outra maneira. Foi mais ou menos assim a conversa:

Deus: Toda boa mãe quer o melhor para seu filho. Certo?

Eu: Sim, claro.

Deus: Você é uma boa mãe?

Eu: Eu quero ser. Sim. Como posso ser uma boa mãe?

Deus: Você tem o melhor para seu filho hoje?

Pausa longa ... coração dolorido ...

Eu: Não, eu não tenho.

Deus: Alguma outra pessoa tem o melhor para seu filho hoje?

Coração apertado…

Eu: Sim.

Deus: Você estaria disposta a dar ao seu filho o melhor mesmo que isso possa te custar terrivelmente? Você será uma boa mãe?

Eu: Sim.

Quando meu filho tinha 3 meses de idade, eu o coloquei para adoção com a mesma família que eu tinha escolhido quando ele ainda estava no útero. A diferença é que desta vez foi minha escolha por obediência ao nosso Pai Celestial (meu e do meu filho) e não porque eu senti o que era esperado de mim.

Foi a coisa mais difícil, mais angustiante que já experimentei até agora. Meu coração ainda dói ... até mesmo tantos anos depois ... mas colocar meu filho para adoção foi a coisa mais amorosa que eu poderia ter feito por ele naquele momento.

Eu sinto que a adoção é mal interpretada e mal compreendida na sociedade de hoje, especialmente no Brasil. Ao longo destes anos eu já ouvi todos o tipos de comentários ridículos de pessoas ignorantes que não têm idéia do que é colocar o seu filho nas mãos de outra pessoa e ir embora. Não porque você estava procurando uma saída, mas porque você estava tomando uma decisão de fazer o que era melhor para o seu filho.

O verdadeiro espírito de adoção não é se livrar de um problema ou encontrar uma saída ou querer alívio. Trata-se de amar a sua criança poupando nenhum custo para si mesmo.

Aqui está um exemplo bíblico do verdadeiro espírito de adoção: As duas mães que lutaram por uma criança diante do rei Salomão. 1 Reis 3: 16-28 fala da história das duas mães que reivindicaram que o filho vivo fosse delas e o rei Salomão ordenou que a criança fosse dividida em duas partes e dada uma parte a cada mãe. A mãe real, em seguida, agoniada pediu ao rei Salomão não matar a criança, mas dar a criança para a outra mãe, poupando a vida da criança. A falsa mãe disse para dividir a criança em uma atitude de "se eu não posso tê-la ... então ninguém vai".

O próprio Deus Pai modelou o verdadeiro espírito de adoção: Efésios 1: 5, "Ele nos predestinou para a adoção como filhos através de Jesus Cristo para si mesmo, de acordo com a bondosa intenção de Sua vontade." Ele deu Seu filho e também nos adotou como Sua família a Seu próprio custo!

O aborto é assassinato. O valor da vida é Deus que estabelece, Deus fazer nascer, Deus soprar e Deus manter. Não podemos apenas falar que não deve ter abortos ou a legalização do aborto e não oferecer outras soluções. Infelizmente, as crianças indesejadas continuarão a serem concebidas seja por negligência, abuso, violação ou ignorância de alguém. Precisamos de Seu coração para esses filhos indesejados, porque Deus os deseja e da mesma forma também os pais adotivos dados por Deus.

O tabu tem que ser quebrado quando se fala com os pais biológicos sobre quais são suas opções. Serviços e entidades devem ser fornecidos para ajudar a tomar a melhor decisão para o bebê e para os pais biológicos. Os sistemas devem se tornar mais eficientes para os pais adotivos que aguardam ansiosamente pela adoção. Deve haver mais conversa e compreensão sobre o verdadeiro espírito de adoção para que se torne uma opção viável para aqueles que precisam de assistência ... para as crianças.

Minha prerrogativa em compartilhar minha história é de alertar aquelas mulheres que se encontram em uma situação de uma gravidez indesejada. Existem opções saudáveis, que salvam vidas, para você e para seu bebê. É também para trazer consciência sobre o verdadeiro espírito de adoção e quão necessário é para nós sermos moldados pelo coração de Deus para que essas crianças não sejam colocadas em um sistema quebrado de orfanatos ou padrinhos, mas em lares de pais que as queiram desesperadamente, para amar e cuidar de crianças que podem ser chamadas de seus filhos.

Obrigado por ler meus amigos. Deus abençoe.

What?? It's 2015 already? New baby... Brazil... New home... New... New... New...

Well hello there!!

I'm embarrassed to say that it has been as long as it has since I last wrote. I could come up with a lot of different things to say about why I haven't written, but let's face it... we make time for the things that we actually want to do. Although, I do enjoy writing, it hasn't been a priority. I hope to change that little by little. No promises, but I would like to write more.

A lot has happened since my last post. I will spare you the details but in short, as of December of 2014, my husband Paulo and I have moved back to Brazil and we are expecting our first child after 12 years of fertility troubles and waiting. It's a girl!

As we have family and friends around the world, I would like to include in this blog pictures and news about what we are up to and how things are going. We want to do our best to stay connected and perhaps this might be the best way. We shall see...

We will try to write in English and Portuguese. :)

It has been an emotionally, mentally and physically draining process, yet we have seen some amazing "God things" happen in this time. Just the fact that we are pregnant is a miracle. I will write about our 12 year journey some other time. But for now, suffice to say, this baby girl is a true miracle.

We have seen God's hand in each step, even when things have not gone the way we have planned. Our belongings have taken longer to get here than expected (we are still waiting), but we have seen God's provision. It has been "hellishly" hot this summer in Brazil, God provided air conditioning. I had a serious blood platelet problem that God miraculously healed. We have moved into our new home and have found grace in being minimalists while we wait for our "stuff" to arrive. I could go on... Let's face it, just as the Bible says, we can make plans but the "right" answer comes from Him.

There have been many lessons learned and that we continue to learn. He's not done yet and neither are we... but, time and time again He reveals to us, reminds us and directs us to what is really important. Jesus is the center, He is always trustworthy, worthy to be thanked and praised in every circumstance and provides good gifts for His children.

Our baby girl could arrive at any moment this week, along with internet connection (who knew it was so important), my Mother (so thankful she is on her way!) and our stuff! It is with much fear and trembling yet confident in Christ, we await our new family phase.

Thank you Jesus for your presence and thank you to family and friends around the world that celebrate with us! To God be the glory!

Happy Birthday!

July 1st was my birthday. I’m not usually very big on birthdays... especially my own. I think I try to play it down as it seems so anti-climactic most of the time. My husband on the other hand is always quite excited when my birthday comes around. 

He begins days ahead asking what it is that I would like to do and what I want to eat and where I would like to go. On my birthday he is also awake before I am so that he can say happy birthday first thing when my eyes open. He says happy birthday multiple times throughout the day... He makes my birthday special.

There was something more to this birthday that took me by surprise. I was kind of excited myself for the first time since I could remember. As I thought about why that would be I realized that my heart was full of expectation for the coming year. I do believe Papa God was sharing His excitement with me of what He feels on my birthday and what He’s got in mind for year 36 of my life.

As I pondered and asked what He’s excited about this is what I got: As I get older I want to be less worried about what others think of me and bolder to be Jesus in the lives of others. I want to risk and see through eyes of faith my part in the expanding Kingdom of God. I don’t want to live “safely” because that’s the “normal” thing to do. I don’t want to worry about tomorrow... I want God’s emergencies to be my emergencies. I don’t want to be afraid of suffering and pain. I don’t want my comfort zone to dictate where I live, what I do and how much I grow. I want to face each God-opportunity with courage and grace immersed in thankfulness. 

These are incredibly high goals and standards for me... impossible really. That’s how I know they are God’s will....I find hope in the verse Francis Chan used in a teaching I saw a couple of days ago: James 5:17 “Elijah was a man with a nature just like ours”... meaning there are no super-heros of the Faith that have the upper hand on being like Jesus, only those willing to live like He did... 

So, I join with my husband and Papa God in their excitement over my birthday to say with a humble heart, “Bring it on 36”! Jesus is worth it!

Lenten Season 2011 - Faith

My brother-in-law on my husband's side is here visiting from Brazil. It's been good to have him in our home. We played Wii Party. It was some guess-what-someone-else-in-the-room-might-answer-to-a-specific-question type game. When it was my turn, both my husband and my brother-in-law guessed pretty perfectly the answers that I would had chosen. My thought, "Am I that predictable?". It even came up in the game banter that I am "rational". It's true, I won't deny it and for all the other "rational" or logical people out there, can I get a "hey yeah!"?

For us "rationals" sometimes faith can make all the sense in the world and sometimes none at all and sometimes seem so far outside the scope of possible, helplessness can settle in, especially when trying to make "right" decisions or answer hard questions... "What am I to do?", "Where am I to go?", "How am I to serve?" "Will things get better?", "Will I be healthy again?" Granted, I know it's not just for those that are rational, everyone struggles with believing something that cannot seen... but for those of us that struggle with over-thinking, faith is just... hard sometimes.

I was reading in my devotional the other day and the text was about faith (actually faith has been popping up quite a bit lately and I try to take notice as God might be trying to teach me something) this is what it said:

"Living a life of faith means never knowing where you are being led. But it does mean loving and knowing the One who is leading. It is literally a life of faith, not of understanding and reason—a life of knowing Him who calls us to go. Faith is rooted in the knowledge of a Person, and one of the biggest traps we fall into is the belief that if we have faith, God will surely lead us to success in the world." (My Utmost for His Highest)

I love it when my human rationality is trumped by God's simple Truth that while utterly supernatural makes so much sense! It's so easy to say, "Yes, I believe." and then try to find the formula for what it takes to believe... as though there was a 12-step program to follow and at the end you'll be free to believe completely. There isn't and it just doesn't work that way.

Faith is as delicate and vital as relationship. Faith serves one purpose, to bring us into intimate relationship with God himself, everything else: questions, answers, miracles, direction, fulfillment, success or not is mere consequence.

I'm thankful for the reminder that I don't need to muster faith, produce belief or drown in analyzing situations, in feeble attempts to lead my own life... I just need to focus on knowing and loving the One who knows all, sees all and who wants to lead me... it's so logical!

Lenten Season 2011 - The Past is in the Past

You don't need to look very far to see that the world is making history in the times that we live in. From civilian and military uprisings to governmental collapses, flooding and earthquakes we are experiencing monumental events at break neck speed.

But, as I reflect on the past few days in conversation with others it never ceases to amaze me how much time we spend living in the past. Ever heard the phrase, "the past is in the past"? I have. Many times. I'm sure I've even said it in an attempt to encourage someone to move on and embrace their future. It's difficult to live sometimes, don't you agree? The replay of events, conversations, situations that have maimed, stolen and fed lies to us is most difficult to turn off.

It makes me wonder... what if Jesus lived in the past? Now... I'm not trying to be irreverent and I know that time isn't an issue with and eternal God... but humor me for a second and place all of those things that we know about Jesus and the time, "up and to the right", as a wise friend of mine would say.

Can you imagine, Jesus living the past? Jesus is God... He leaves His throne and glory to come to fallen Earth. The place and those He created together with the Father and Spirit in loving community to emulate His character and reflect His goodness has been poisoned and perverted by sin and is now is in need of savior.

So here He comes! From His heavenly home where everyone knows exactly who He is to an unknown stable, as a helpless baby in a small town, destined to suffer the pain of people telling Him that He wasn't who He said He was, constantly question His gifts and talents, stripping Him of His rights, betrayal and ultimately a criminal's death.

Yes, we know the story doesn't end there... He conquers it ALL and claims His rightful place through His resurrection. He doesn't succumb to the apparent defeat in death! Through His triumph He makes a way for us to share in His eternal victory! He is all that He said He was and more!! He wins! Ha!

But what if Jesus lived in the past? What if He played victim to His unfortunate circumstances? What kind of hope could be offered to those who have suffered in their lifetime? Those rejected? Those abandoned? Those unjustly judged? Those abused? Those betrayed? Those stripped? I'm sure on some level and at some point we can all relate. But the TRUTH is... He didn't!

I'm convinced that part of the journey of becoming fully Christ's and fully me is stopping that replay. Jesus is the PERFECT example of how to live life in the midst of controversy and struggle and not lose who you are no matter what is being said or happening to you. So, that's what I'm going to do with His help. Stop the replay. Stop being afraid of what others might think. Stop questioning who He has made me to be and believe that He ALWAYS knows what is best and has great plans for me as a person and for those things He wants me to be a part of. So be it for all of us!

Lenten Season 2011 - The Invitation

Well, writing once a week was wishful thinking! That idea flew out the window along with 2010! My last entry was in December, 2009! We'll jump over and land in March of 2011... perhaps at some point I'll share the story that is 2010, but not right now.

Right now, I'm more interested in Lent. In this season more so than in any other Lenten season or anytime in the last year, for that matter, I feel a beckoning to "come back", to remember, to purge, to identify with Christ, to be less mine and more His.

I can sense the powerful invitation He's making. I don't know how He does it... call out in the midst of the haze, be Light in the midst of the fog, a reference point in the midst of the maze, finding me in my sometimes apathetic lifestyle, as if you were just meandering, looking down at the ground as you shuffled along and then all of a sudden you can sense, see, hear something drawing you in and you are compelled to respond, even when you don't know how.

It's almost as if the very ignorance of not knowing how to respond feeds the desperation and gives greater hunger to the desire to respond to Him, to seek Him out, to know Him more. He's saying He wants to be found and is making the invitation very plain and the desire of His heart tangible. Ultimately, far from cliché, that desire is relationship.

So, as part of giving somethings up and taking on some disciplines for Lent, I will write some personally pertinent ideas in my Lenten journey here. I'm praying for breakthrough, to be fully Christ's and fully me. To identify with Christ in His freedom, passion, joy, compassion, confidence and power but also walk the road of knowing His pain and suffering to a greater extent - the two go hand in hand. I can't do one without the other. I can no longer not know, it's time to grow up a little bit more, learn my Shepherds voice for real, embrace perfect love and let go of the fear of, "what it might mean to really know Him" (meaning what it will cost me).

Part of that process is to identify, acknowledge, confess, repent, ask for forgiveness and for mercy for those areas of my life which have yet to be surrendered and then, surrender them. It occurred to me that sometimes it is more convenient to resolve to defeat than to surrender as though it were a worthy excuse for not answering the invitation being made. It's not... it's laziness, apathy, fear... however you want to label it, it's not healthy and not getting me anywhere in fulfilling the dreams Papa God has had for me since the beginning.

So enough! I heard the phrase last week, "Your focus needs more focus" (from the new Karate Kid movie... not a bad movie by the way). So true! So may this Lenten season be just that... answering the call, RSVPing my presence to the encounter and growing up to be more and more like my "Big Brother" Jesus with the power of Holy Spirit to help me surrender it all.

He Holds On, He Holds In, He Holds Together

Hello! I have not written in a long time. It’s been a crazy season and to be honest I’ve not felt much like writing... Over the past two months I suffered my first car accident in 18 years of driving. I wasn’t badly hurt but it was scary (it wasn’t my fault :)... the church that Paulo and I were a part of merged into another church which then led to the loss of my job (am currently looking for a new one). Not to mention the continued grieving of the passing of my father-in-law and many other situations and circumstances that arise with trying to live daily for Christ. It’s been quite a roller coaster ride of a year. I'm sure you can relate - Life is never boring.

Despite all that has been going on, today I feel particularly inspired to write. Why today? Today marks the 13th year of the “loss” of someone very near and dear to my heart. It was a decision of my own making - you see, 13 years ago today I placed my 3 month old son for adoption. It was by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It was not a rash decision nor one that I took or take lightly. I knew in my heart that God had spoken to me about doing what was best for my son. I had and continue to have Divine resolve within my spirit that I did exactly what I should have and that my decision pleased God and was the very best for my beloved.

But today I relive that day - getting him ready to leave - the drive to the meeting place - the awkward silence after the small talk had died down and then that moment when I knew... “it’s time”. I vividly remember walking towards his adoptive mother placing my baby in her arms... looking into my child’s face, saying “good-bye and I love you”, turning my “face like flint” towards the door knowing that if I looked back I might just fall apart. I remember (and can still feel) the numbing pain that overtook me - body, soul and spirit as I walked down the hallway. I can still hear my mother and father’s voices as they rushed to say “good-bye” and followed me out to the car.

Letting go of our “beloved” no matter who or what it is - is never easy. That moment of "resolve" in our hearts to “let go” is identifiable to those that have suffered great loss... when you know “it’s time” and numbing pain rushes in... you know it’s numbing because your heart is quaking and if it wasn’t numbing you might just burst into a million pieces.

But God... I love that... “But God”... He is the gracious Intervener! He gave me such a clear picture today of what happens when we suffer “heartquakes” whether we’re shaking from the inside out or from the outside in... He holds on... He holds in... He holds together. That’s what He did for me 13 years ago and continues to do today by his infinite mercy and grace. He reaffirms and reassures us that when we “let go” out of love and obedience that we are not just carelessly tossing our “beloved” into the black abyss of nothingness... we release our “beloved” into the trustworthy hands and care of the Father that are holding on, holding in and holding together.

This is not something that I share lightly nor is it common knowledge to everyone that knows me - but it is part of my story and I share it without apology, for there is a common thread that can be found in all of our stories at one point or another. We will suffer loss, we will have to “let go” of someone or something beloved sometime and there is hope... But God... He holds on, He holds in and He holds together. I give glory and thanks to Him today - the One who holds my head high.

But you, O Lord, are a shield around me; you are my glory, the one who holds my head high. Psalm 3:3